12. argh
Matthew's castle had been destroyed, these were dark times for the Matthew conglomerate. it was now spread out all over the world and bits of it had broken off and formed odd factions that ran around chemical plants like chickens. Matthew himself was in a bigger state of disarray than his followers. he had not handled the loss of his home with the grace we have come to expect from him. he had been forced into hiding but he was building up his strength and becoming more and more powerful than ever before. as we speak he is building a device of such destructive power it cannot even be imagined.
 back in the home of our heroes all is not well. they have just run out of ice cream. under normal circumstances this would not be a problem, but when you are the world's leading supplier of ice cream, the effects can be devastating. this lack of ice cream is due to the recent arrival on earth of the ptlork, a race of aliens who travel from planet to planet eating all of that planets ice cream and then leaving. obviously the ptlork must be defeated.
 our friends are sat around the table wondering what theycan do about these malevolent fiends. "we will have to eat them" suggests hugh. geoffrey then leapt onto the table and pecked hugh in the eye and then hugh said ouch. everyone agreed that hugh's plan was excellent, but how to implement it. it was decided that the ptlork should be invited round to dinner and then when they came in hugh would have built a big trap for them and this would end up with them all falling into a big oven and getting cooked. now obviously even for a peolpe as diminutive as the ptlork, it would have to be a big oven to get their entire people into it.
geoffrey set off to meet with the head of the ptlork and doug stayed behind to help hugh build his trap. 
by the evening all was set, the ptlork were coming round at 1900 and the trap was set. as soon as all the ptlork had set foot in the house the trap went off. a giant laser which only affected the ptlork went tearing through the house incinerating them all and ending the ptlork threat to the ice cream of the universe. "that worked well" said doug
 "yes it was quite nice" said hugh. doug and hugh turned to leave the room, whistlinga pretty tune as they did so and leaving geoffrey standing alone. geoffrey looked perplexed.
 "i thought you were going to cook and eat them." said geoffrey. hugh and doug got angry.
"fuck you duck!" said doug and he and hugh pulled out a baseball bat each and started pummelling the stupid little wooden duck.
 

13. two gooses and moose called james
Geoffrey was in intensive care. Doug and Hugh were under arrest for assault. Geoffrey was in a coma and did not look like he would get out. if he died Doug and Hugh would be charged with murder.
Hugh was being interrogated by the evil police man. "way did you hit the duck. till me Hugh you are only making it worse"
"I did do it. it was Doug not me" said Hugh
the big bad police man said "that's shit you both did. the duck was getting to close to your evil plans. wasn't he"
"I don't know what your talking about" splatter Hugh
"oohhhrrr, don't give me that shit. you and Doug were systematically removing all opposition for your plans"
"like who?"
"Matthew for one, the poor boy is nothing now. weak and small. and it is all your fault"
at that moment Doug busted in and leaped across the table and killed the police man.
"who did you get free" Hugh said
"no time to explain, this go" Doug explained (he he eh)
the ran out of the police station and stole a car. they were being followed as the drove away. they were trapped in a dam.
the police man confronted the two.
Hugh and Doug turned and said "I did not kill my duck"
the police man said "I don't care"
then Doug and Hugh jumped off the dam.
at this exact time geoffrey woke from his coma. he ask for all charges against hugh and doug to be drop and they were. but were hugh and doug still alive??? yes, they were fine.

14. geoffrey's final moments
once upon a time there was a duck. unlike other ducks this one had two human companions. their names where Doug and Hugh. the ducks was also a wooden duck and was called Geoffrey. this made Geoffrey an odd duck. he was an out cast by the rest of the duck community. he had no duck friends or wooden friends. all he had was Doug and Hugh. this got Geoffrey very depressed and he got out he shot gun and blow his brains out.

15. geoffrey's funeral
Hugh and Doug felt Geoffrey would not want them to spend allot on his funeral. so they dug a hole in the back yard and put him inn there. them they spent all the money Geoffrey had in the bank on getting drunk and they lived happily ever after.

16. 2 cows and a metal house called 236
that night as the hugh and doug slept a messenger of matthew bell arrived at the house. without geoffrey to protect them there was nothing they could do to defend themselves against the attack. they were both knocked unconscious and thrown into sacks and dragged away to matthewland.
later, as dawn broke, doug and hugh awoke strapped to tables in a big scary room and they could move. they cried for help.
back at the house in the garden something stirred under the ground. a green feathered hand burst out of the ground, geoffrey was back and more powerful than ever. he should have known that wooden ducks can't be killed by mere guns and that a wooden duck has no brains to blow out. Geoffrey let out  a powerful roar and charged towards matthewland. Matthew saw Geoffrey coming however and he knew not to mess with him so he released hugh and doug immediately before geoffrey even arrived and he wrote a note of apology for kidnapping hugh and doug. geoffrey was so happy to see his friends that he forgot about the fact that they spent all his money and buried him in the garden and took them to see a nice film about monkeys at the cinema.

17. two ducks and a wooden man called spam
it was a big mean dark scary night outside, but inside the house all was well. geoffrey had forgiven doug and hugh for beating him so severely with baseball bats after they explained why they did it. there was a knock at the door. geoffrey went to answer it. standing in the doorway geoffrey saw a big scary man. 
geoffrey did not like this. he leapt up and down quacking wildly. the big angry man responded to this by pointing to geoffrey and uttering these words. "ooga tree yellow bee." he then paused for a moment then turned and left. geoffrey followed him down the driveway quacking and jumping and flapping and pecking, but the scary man ignored geoffrey. geoffrey went back into the house to find that he could't find doug or hugh anywhere. "asdfghjkl" geoffrey murmured to himself. he then went into a mad quacking fit and pecked holes in all the doors in the house so that the air could circulate properly. he then decided to get to the more important business of finding where doug and bailey boy had got to.
he went into his basement library to research what this man had meant. after hours of reading he found in the book of matthew matthew bell that this was a mere decoy man as sent out by the evil matthew. this meant that doug and hugh had been kidnapped by matthew and matthew was back and being mean and evil. what will geoffrey do?

18. the evil metal chicken
Geoffrey was in quite a situation. he had no idea where Matthew's new hideout could be. Geoffrey sat think of where Hugh and Doug may be hidden. then a Geoffrey's eyes flashed and he run out side. he was on his way to Matthew old hideout. it was in ruins after there last encounter. there was no way anyone would be able to set up a hide out there and Geoffrey knew it. but Geoffrey also knew that Matthew are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. Matthew had left a forwarding address on the door step of the ruined castle. Geoffrey now knew exactly where Matthew was. but would it be a trap. well Geoffrey did not want to find out. he went home to sleep on it. mean while Matthew was growing restless. he had stolen Hugh and Doug from Geoffrey and wanted to be punished. he was not use to getting away with things. "enough is enough" he yelled "if he will not come to me then i will go to him." matthew put doug and hugh in some cages and took them with him. matthew was now standing outside geiffrey's house. "hey, duck, come and play. i have your friends" he explained.

19. the evil metal chicken part 2
geoffrey was sat at home wondering why the last episode was called the evil metal chicken when he heard the wails of matthew from outside. geoffrey thought he should go investigate so he went to the window at the front of the house and looked out. sure enough, there was matthew with doug and hugh in cages. geoffrey went out to face the matthew but it occurred to him that as matthew was a big humanman and geoffrey was a mere wooden duck it would perhaps be unwise to get into a fight with him. so geoffrey cunningly got round behind matthew and over to the cages without being spotted. then he threw his voice to make it sound like he was calling matthew from away behind the house. the cunning plan was good enough to trick matthew and he went running off to catch the duck. geoffrey opened the cages and freed his friends and they danced all night. matthew came back the next morning having been unable to find the source of the quacking and saw doug hugh and geoffrey asleep under a tree, however, instead of taking this opportunity to kill them all matthew looked sad and took his cages and headed back to matthewland. our heroes awoke to see that matthew had left and were confused as to why they were still alive but they decided that this was all part of the unpredictableness of the matthew and went indoors.
geoffrey was cooking a nice breakfast for doug And hugh and they described their ordeal at the hands of matthew and also gave him a run down on what was happening in matthewland. the more geoffrey heard, the lesss he liked it. it was clear to him that matthew was building a evil metal chicken, but there was something else about it.
"i have a bad feeling about this" said geoffrey
"i don't sense anything" said doug
"it's not about the chicken, it's something elsewhere, elusive"
"don't concentrate on your anxieties geoffrey, keep your mind here abd now where it belongs" said hugh
"stop this!" demanded geoffrey "you are just trying to get out of going back to matthewland, you are scared of what might happen if matthew gets his hands on you again, you sir are a coward!"
"if you were any other man i would kill you where you stand!" roared hugh.
just then the toast popped out of the toaster and everything went silent. giving hugh and doug an evil look geoffrey went off to watch some tv.
later... the heroes had decided to go to matthewland to stop the evil metal chicken. they set off and the closer they got to matthew land the more frightening the scenery became. all the trees were dead and vultures circled overhead. as night falls people daren't venture outdoors for fear of the creatures which lurked in the dark and our heroes were alone on the silent road. after some time of walking through matthewland they heard a metallic clunking followed by a ghostly cluck. the sounds were coming over from a valley on the other side of a hill. they climb the hill and when they reach the top they collapse in the long grass and stare on in terror as they see a village going up in flames and a giant metal chicken charging about through the small village with the blood of thevillagers smeared over itself. the rage builds in hugh as he sees one of his own kind causing such devastation and he gets up to destroy the chicken but doug grabs him and tells him to keep quiet. they could never survive a direct assault on an evil metal chicken. "matthew has gone too far this time." remarks hugh. just then, as they are wondering what to do they hear a sound behind them. they turn to see a tall man with a red and black head with horns on it.
"evening." said the stranger.
"hello!" shout our heroes.
"this is not the doing of matthew" said the stranger "there is more to this evil metal chicken than meets the eye. a more evil force than you have ever encountered is behind this and an evil metal chicken is the least of your problems"
"i told you there was" said geoffrey and hugh hits him with a hammer
"matthew is no longer a threat" added the stranger "he went insane when his castle was desroyed and now he is manipulated by a greater power. although he never was that powerful anyway, you were just weak. you had not yet discovered your true powers."
"so do we have to take on the chicken?" asked hugh
"if you try to destroy the chicken and it's master now you will be destroyed, the time will come. the chicken is nearing the end of it's usefulness, it will be destroyed by it's controller soon enough." as the stranger spoke an explosion was heard from the village and doug hugh and geoffrey all turned back to face the village and they saw that the chicken had just exploded. a plate of metal landed in front of them and they all jumped. they turned back to face the stranger but he was gone. they all looked at each other. who was this mysterious evil force which the stranger had spoken of and why had he destroyed the village? who was this stranger? what had become of matthew if matthewland was being run by someone else? these questions were all too hard to think about this late at night so our heroes decided that as the situation with the chicken was resolved they should go home, after all they came to destroy the chicken and it was destroyed. questions could be answered another day. they arrived back at home to discover that someone had stolen all the food from their freezer! what was going on?

20.  two men and a wooden duck: the phantom menace
Matthew was in his new castle. looking over matthewland in ruins. the metal chicken had destroyed any forms of resistance with the exception of Hugh, Doug and Geoffrey. Matthew felt the chicken was destroyed to soon. it should have been used against the three some. he contacted his dark master. a hologram image of a man in a black clock appeared.
" ... this scheme of yours had failed. Hugh, Doug and Geoffrey are still alive! we dare no go against them." said Matthew
"you seem more worried about them than you are of me, Matthew. I am amused" the mysterious figure said. "i am no longer in need of your services, you will leave matthew land at once. i am now in control of it." the figure turn and spock to some else, "begin landing your troops." he turned back to matthew, "leave now, i am sending some you else to run matthewland"
the three some still in shock at the lose of their food were concerned. they had to replace it or they would surely die. "lets go to tesco and get us some more eat" spluttered doug. they all argeed and left at once. when they arrived they splet up and started to collect food. all was going well untill geoffrey saw something. he rushed to find the others. geoffrey found hugh and doug buying donuts. "it's a trap" geoffrey yelled.
"what, what are you talking about" hugh said
"matthew, his here, we have walked into a trap" geoffrey explained.
"where is he" doug said.
"come i will take you" geoffrey exclaimed.
they rushed off and geoffrey lead them to the check outs. there as geoffrey had said was matthew. he did not seem as if he was waiting for them. at that moment matthew spotted them, he went red with shame. the three some decide to confrount him. matthew seemed scared. "what do you want, leave me alone, i am no threat to you, there is an other" matthew splatted. confussed the three inequired into this. matthew explained how he had been displaced and was now working in tescos. before he got to the part about who had do this, matthew saw something. he looked even more scared and ran way. the three some tried to follow him but he got away. the three some now know that the man they meet in the grass was right, there was something far more powerful then anything they had ever faced now in charge of mathewland. but who? and why was their food taken? they were all now very scared. doug said "they must protect the queen" and something about going to some plant to convence a senate. hugh said "this is not star wars, we are just stealing basic plot and diolog, not the hold film." but this still left them in the same situation, what to do?
 

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