it was a dark alley and before doug and hugh went down there doug said "i don't know, it looks like there might be monsters down there" but hugh said "if there are any monsters i'll eat them" and then they went along the alley because it was the safest way to get through borg space and then a monster leapt out and said "give me a wooden duck" and then hugh said "no" and went to eat the monster but then doug said "no wait... maybe we have a wooden duck." by now hugh and the monster were trying to eat each other.... hugh had eaten the monster by the time doug had constructed our wooden duck, so doug and hugh were faced with a dilemma- what to do with the wooden duck. hugh suggested eating it, but the duck protested. seeing the look in hugh's eye the duck, who was called geoffrey, decided to keep one eye on the mischevious antipodean for the rest of their time together. the three new heroes decided the only acceptable thing to do in their position was go around the word solving mysteries and having interesting adventures.
 
 

2. tasty duck

sadly Hugh got to the duck before any counter measure were in placed and ate him. "hum" he said I that lovely voice he has "that was a taste wooden duck". Douglas looked at Hugh but had come to accept is behaviour and did not mind that his friend and future companion had just been eaten. so now it was just Hugh and Doug that would do the solving stuff stated earlier.
 

3. laxatives for hugh

The wooden duck some how found a way to stay alive for the hours that he was being digested inside Hugh. then when Hugh had finally excreted the wooden duck, it was to some surprise to Hugh to see that the duck had survived. Geoffrey now had a true reason not to trussed bailey. Doug on the other hand had growing very close to Geoffrey and now cared for him as if it were his son. bailey still in shock that Geoffrey survived released that if the wooden duck can live though his digestive system prefabs all the monsters he ate would survive. he then preceded to beat his self tell any thing live inside him would surly have died. then the three some went on their marry way. who knows what starring and wacky adventures they would get to next.
 

4. where is my chicken

well Doug, Geoffrey and Hugh all were getting on fine after their earlier adventures. Geoffrey, slowly starting to trusted Hugh after his failed attempted to destroy him, was starting to relax and finally flit at peace in the company of Hugh. then Doug said "why are we pointlessly walking the world solving mysteries and stuff?" Hugh looked taken a back, "well it was your idea you fuck head" he replied. "now that was uncalled for you cunt" responded Doug. "oh yeah, well....    Spam" Hugh said. "what kind of response is that" Doug commented. then Geoffrey not use to seeing this kind of behaviour was distort. "quack quack... (what are you doing) quack quack quack quack quack quack... (we are travailing the earth to solve things because there is nothing better to do okay-day)" Geoffrey stated. this cleared every thing up and Doug and Hugh stop arguing at once. all was normal and they set to find their next adventure.

 
 

5. 10 arms but no legs

as our three heroes were sat around their table eating biscuits and drinking tea they were disturbed by a noise outside. brave brave geoffrey duck went to see what had caused this disruption and doug stayed to make sure hugh didn't turn the fridge into a time machine as he had been planning for the past few days.
 outside geoffrey found a creature so horrible it defies explanation. it said "hello. i am matthew and i am going to take things out of this heap of rubbish and build a giant mechanical raccooon and take over the world." and he resumed his digging through stuff. geoffrey knew better than to mess with the beast so he returned to the kitchen to tell the others.
 "there is a man called matthew outside looking for bits to make a giant mechanical racoon, i feel that this person could become our arch-nemesis in these adventures we aere going to have" said geoffrey.
 "you could be right," agreed hugh "we should let him build his mechanical racoon though."
geoffrey and doug thought hugh was insane, but he overpowered them so the matthew built his mechanical raccoon. the heroes then went to matthewland to matthews big bad castle in order to deal with his giant mechanical raccoon.....

 

6. don't break my legs, i am jewish

we last left your three adventures venturing into the evil realm of the Matthew monster know sly as Matthew land!!!! by this time the mechanical racoon was built. the big bad domian was before Doug, Geoffrey and Hugh. it was made of kit Kat tarred. it towered at least two meters into the air. the hideous Matthew monster knowing that there would be resistance to his plan of taking over the earth had been prepared. he had seen the three some coming over spaloo hill and was setting his racoon to attack them. Geoffrey having been in situation like this before though that they should split up and circle the domain of the Matthew an till he made a move. they preceded to do this but then the racoon jumped out and started to attack Hugh. Geoffrey and Doug looked at each other. they had never had to attack any thing before, Hugh had always beaten them to it. this was the first time that a beasted had attacked without about his wits. this provided to be no major problem as Doug precede to go into attack mode. he positioned him self in a position of attack and jumped upon the machine. he then started to tar to machine to pieces. as the racoon was badly constructed by Matthew and build from rubbish it come apart quite easily for the mighty Doug. Matthew watch all this from his tower know his plan had been destroyed by the three and wished to sheek revenge. he jumped from the top of his mightiest tower and confronted the three. "out do you think your doing tarring up things that don't belong to you, yeah!!!" Matthew said in a sly way. "well, it attack us what do you expect us to do?" Hugh explained. "die, that's what I expect you to do" shouted Matthew "you just fuckin' fucked up all my plans. that was ment to take over the world for me you know!!" "well you did not build it very well" exclaimed Doug. "yeah, you idiot, if your going to make a machine to take over the world you kind of make it strong, not a weak as a bowl of pee soup" said Geoffrey. "enough of this" said Matthew "you all shall pay for this out rage". Matthew started to attack the three. not having ever fraught a Matthew monster none of them know what to do. this turn out not to be a problem either, left with no stimulation the Matthew monster started to play with him self and course pain to himself. then Geoffrey notice as the Matthew monster inflicted yet more pain upon him self that the Matthew monster had forgotten to do up his fly (which they later found out is a common problem with Matthew monsters'). Geoffrey then ran straight to the Matthew monsters fly. this had knocked the Matthew monster incapacitated. then the three feeling that the world was safe from this Matthew monster left to continue on their voyage of discovery.
 
 

7. muffy the chicken slayer

hugh was cold. geoffrey was made of wood. doug had gone shopping. he had to as hugh was irresponsible with money and he would waste it on alcohol and because geoffrey was a wooden duck. it was all bound to end in tears.
  hugh was playing with some petrol and matches. he spyed geoffrey in the corner, diligently tidying things. hugh moved towards him, all nice. geoffrey turned towards him.
 "hello hugh, what are you going to do with that petrol and matches?" hugh asked. "i am going to set geoffrey on fire to keep me warm and to cook him up nice and tasty." he answered himself. seeing that hugh was less sane then ever geoffrey ran over to his cupboard that he lived in and pulled out some glue. covering the soles of his feet in the adhesive, geoffrey ran up the wall and stood on the ceiling. this only made hugh more insane. he poured petrol all over his own tattered rags and set himself alight. geoffrey was just going to go and call the mad fool an ambulance when doug came back from the shopsand saw hugh in the corner with his legs crossed, rocking back and forth with that grin on his face that he does.
 "oh hugh. what are we going to do with you? did you try to eat geoffrey again?"
 "no." said hugh. just then the badgerigar* hugh had been working on in the basement came flying up the stairs and swallowed hugh whole. geoffrey had seen it coming up the stairs and had his tranquilizer gun ready. he shot the hideous creation in one shot and it fell into unconsciousness.
 geoffrey and doug activated the debigulator and shrunk themselves down to 75% their normal size to get into the badgerigar, although geoffrey didn't really need to as he was a wooden duck and already quite small enough to venture into hugh's badgerigar, he did it anyway so that he didn't seem too big to doug and have doug go insane, which is a common problem inside a badgerigar.
as they ventured deep into the badgerigar they did not find the rotting stench of decayed beasts or their rotting corpses as was expecting. they found a sweet sweet smell and a table. sat around the table were hugh and his poker buddies- dr louis jackson: evil genius, bill gates and a duck billed platypus that hugh had brought from his home planet. hugh was severely disciplined for this. doug hugh and geoffrey left the badgerigar and rebigulated doug and geoffrey. hugh promised never to gamble again and to stop making horrific mutants in the basement and they lived happily ever after.
*budgie/badger cross
 

8. geoffrey geoffrey the silly duck

geoffrey had became bored. he filt that life was no longer for filling. in the few months that he had known doug and hugh his life had been full of fun and adventure. but now things had become quite. hugh and doug had left a few days before to find a golden goose. this was a quest given to them by a man in a garbage bin. geoffrey feeling that it was astupid idea to look for something at a man in a garbage bin says to (you know what i mean), decided to stay out of this quest. he was now paying the price for his lack of vision. few wooden ducks had lived  a life as full as geoffrey's. but few wooden ducks can talk or move by them selfs so that was not really important. geoffrey now on the edge of suicide decide to try to find doug and hugh and help them, even if it was a stupid idea it was better then the shit hole he was in at the moment.
 

9. the duck of the desert

geoffrey set out on his new mission to find the hugh and the doug, hoping that at some point before he found them he might happen across a golden goose so he could throw that in their faces and make them feel stupid. geoffrey was not to have his wish though as when he reached the driveway they were still trying to get their plane started. it had only been 5 minutes since they left, but geoffrey missed them so much it seemed more like 5 days. geoffrey was disappointed by this, but he was also happy to see his friends again and he asked if he could come along. of course, everyone thought this was a splendiferous idea so off they all went to find the golden goose like oscar said.   once the plane was in the air the decision had to be made of where to look first for the golden goose. they sat and let the robot hugh had built who was called boris fly the plane whilst they thought about where to head. they decided to think it out logically together.   "so we're looking for a golden goose." said geoffrey "well this shouldn't be too hard."   "okeyday, the goose we are looking for is golden so it must be in a desert." said hugh. the others agreed with that thinking. "and if it is in a desert and it is a goose then it is most likely in goose desert" hugh's logic seemed clearer than ever at this altitude. the others were worried about this so they shut the windows. this did not discourage them from going to the desert to find the golden goose however.   they got their first glimpse of goose desert at 3 am. this made everyone a little more excited and a little more apprehensive, none of them had ever been to the desert before and they hadn't been quite sure to expect.    at about 3:45 boris's batteries ran out and the flying machine went into freefall. hugh tried desperately to wake him but to no avail. since hugh was the only one who could pilot a plane and he was trying to wake a robot the plane plumetted.    as they awoke it was about 0714 goose desert time by geoffrey's watch. they must have escaped the wreckage right after the crash and then passed out, as they were now outside the plane and it's wreck was mostly covered with sand. moderate winds were blowing around a lot of sand and visibility was poor. hugh found boris's head but he was clearly broken beyond repair so hugh had his head for breakfast. when hugh had finished eating a sandstorm was building and they decided to seek out some shelter, but they did not know where to go. just then hugh thought he noticed something in the distance. it was a stall of some kind. it was decided that they should head towards it. on the stall was an old man. they quizzed him about the golden goose.   "i do indeed have a golden goose."   "can we buy it?" asked doug.   "oh, the golden goose is not for sale" said the old man. hugh leapt into his stall and bit half of the old man's face off but the old man threw him back about 100 feet and stood up again. his face spontaneously reconstructed itself.  "the golden goose is not for sale but it can be yours if you can complete the three tasks of the golden goose."     "how do we know you have a golden goose?" asked geoffrey.  the old man reached into his pocket and pulled out the most wondrous sight anyone had ever seen, a shiny golden goose.    "quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack!" said hugh to the goose. the goose responded by biting hugh on the nose.    "oi!"said hugh "your goose just bit me on the nose!"    "hmm, yes he is a very bad tempered goose." said goosekeeper man. he paused to think. "ok, you can have it for £5"    "£5 ?!!?" said doug. he paused. "how much money have you got hugh?" doug knew perfectly well that hugh always had about £23472365 in the bank and he always carried around at least £50 to spend on alcohol if the opportunity comes up.    "bla" said hugh    "hugh, how much money have you got?"    "goose"    "hugh!"    "no"    "hugh, give me money"    "but if i spend it then i will just spend it all and i don't want to spend any more, i have to save it"    "boo!" doug's crafty 'boo' was just enough to scare hugh into handing over £5. they paid the man and bought some water and set about heading back home.      having hitched a ride on a friendly migrating goose they went to visit oscar and gave him the goose. oscar was most pleased with this new aquisition and he paid them $1324 and they went home. when they got home it was infested with termites......   to be continued..............

10. two ducks and a wooden man called spam

coming home to find their home infested with termitees was geoffrey's wildest dream. but at the same time it was his nightmare. you see ducks like to eat termites and geoffrey could easily eat all the termites with in the home, but geoffrey was also made of wood. at this point geoffrey wished that doug haad made him out of metal. doug, geoffrey and hugh were left to wonder what to do to solve the termite problem. hugh said that they should get some people in to kill them. but then he relised that doug had spent all hugh's money eariler in the story. doug had no money or was hiding it and geoffrey was a wooden duck so he had no money either. then what would they do?
"why don't we temped the termites out with some thing" said doug. "that is a good idea but what will we use" splatted geoffrey. hugh and doug both looked at geoffrey in turn. "no no no nooooo!!" sreamed geoffrey.
    his sreams came to no evail as hugh and doug put him just in front of the house. the termites looked at geoffrey and thought. one termite said to and other "we havebeen eatting wood all the time lets have a bit wider selection of foods". the other termintes agreed. the termites jumped on to doug and started to eat his fleash. well seeing that the termites were unawere geoffrey started to eat them. after a few minutes geoffrey had eaten them all. doug at this point had been eat allot. hugh said to doug "don't be up set. your skin will grow back". surprisingly hguh was right and it did just a few days later. now all was well with the three some, but who put the termites in the house in the first place?????????????
 
 
 

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